A Journal Entry About Being in the Defining Decade : “Why Your 20s Matter”

Key Points

• According to psychologists, your twenties are the defining years of your life. The purpose of that message is to encourage young adults to take more action but it can also have the opposite effect.

• Prioritize this in your 20s : The ability to effortlessly become one with the present moment is the ultimate indicator that something is meant for you.

• Life isn’t always a test of being right or wrong. You’re allowed to take action without having all the answers just yet.

Let’s begin with a quote from the book that sparked all of these ideas in the first place:

“Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood. 80% of life's most defining moments take place by about age 35. 2/3 of lifetime wage growth happens during the first ten years of a career. More than half of Americans are married or are dating or living with their future partner by age 30. Personality can change more during our 20s than at any other decade in life. Female fertility peaks at 28. The brain caps off its last major growth spurt. When it comes to adult development, 30 is not the new 20. Even if you do nothing, not making choices is a choice all the same. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.”

― Dr. Meg Jay, The Defining Decade : Why Your 20s Matter

I think it’s safe to say that this generation is leading away from more traditional ways of living that may benefit capitalism and societal norms. What if—you don’t want to have children? What if, you don’t want to get married? What if, you don’t want to make a sh*t ton of money, and prefer to live a slower, more simple lifestyle?

This book also puts an IMMENSE amount of pressure on your twenties—describing the mistakes of them as being irreversible, thus, ruining your 30s, 40s, if not taken seriously. Here’s your reminder that everyone is on their OWN timeline, and to not get too down on yourself if certain books seem overwhelming of how you should be living right now.

Anyway, I wrote this in my journal one day as a release for these thoughts. I felt that it could be beneficial to share it with you if you find yourself struggling with the intensity of your twenties. I Hope you enjoy <3

The Entry

Maybe you’re someone who likes control. You enjoy the feeling of knowing what the plan is for the days to come, and the comfort of having several colour-coded lists piled up on your desk.

Knowing exactly what’s coming next in life would be absolutely perfect—if we could actually predict the future. Sad to say, we do not have the gift of foresight, or the ability to change our past. All we have is the NOW in each moment. However, most people are too caught-up in controlling future outcomes, that they miss out on the present.

According to psychologists, your twenties are the defining years of your life. No pressure, RIGHT? The purpose of that message is to encourage young adults to take more action but it can also have the opposite effect.

“What if I make the wrong decision?” They ask.. “This choice could really make or break my career.”

These questions of worrying about what COULD happen, limits your ability to be bold, and to see whether or not something is meant for you in the first place.

Here’s my little tip.

I urge you to start becoming aware of the activities, the people, and the things that cause you to go into a FLOW state. The ability to effortlessly become one with the present moment is the ultimate indicator that something is meant for you.

You also don’t have to be the BEST, for it to mean something either. So, try that painting class. Go on that coffee date. Write that book. Play the piano again. When you start participating in things that make you feel good, you’ll start finding that winning isn’t everything.

I hope you see that life isn’t always a test of being right or wrong. You’re allowed to take action without having all the answers just yet.

What I’m saying is, MAYBE your “defining years” is less about acting on things with predictable conclusions, and more about the actions you take without even considering the outcome.

Let go of the need of control during uncertain and defining times. Rather, go with the flow. Force nothing, and let things happen.

Final thoughts

I hear you. Embracing the present moment is easier said than done. Many of us are easily consumed by the uncertainty of the future or from our past mistakes...But that worry, and regret will not change anything. 

Here are three journal prompts I do when I’m struggling to be more mindful:

1. What around you right now makes you smile? 

2. Describe the quality of your current energy.

3. How can you soften in this moment?

Take care,

B ✨🧠🍋🌸