Being A Better Friend : 4 Green Flags for Stronger Friendships in Life

I bet you’ve heard a lot about the ‘red flags’ in relationships, but what about the green flags? During the transition stage in early adulthood, people in their twenties are both learning and unlearning many things. Not the least of which is how to become a better friend. Yet, we should still look for the positives in our friendships as much as possible. 

The 4 green flags of a strong friendship are: 

• Supportiveness

• Trustworthiness

• Congeniality

• Respectful

It's important to know that most people show a different level of each green flag in friendships. However, the purpose of this article is to make you appreciate your friendships, while also becoming more aware of how to strengthen them yourself.

1) Supportiveness: In both the good, and the bad.

A supportive friend is someone who is there for you in both the good, and the bad times. Rather than become jealous of your achievements or invalidate your aspirations, these friends are your biggest cheerleaders. They also understand that the best form of support is not to compare or to give advice right away, but to listen.

Do you think you’re a supportive friend?

Stop & Reflect:

• I support my friend’s dreams and aspirations. 

• I don't become jealous over the success of my friends.

• I am there for my friends in hard times even if it makes me uncomfortable. 

• I am a good listener when my friends are talking to me.

• I only give advice when they ask. 

• I accept how my friends live, even if I don’t understand it.

Aside: The Benefits of Social Support during the Covid-19 Pandemic 

In 2020, a study examined the association between social support and mental health among Chinese adolescents after the initial outbreak of Covid-19. Specifically, the analysis focused on the symptoms of depression and anxiety. Not surprisingly, the adolescents with medium to low social support, demonstrated the highest prevalence of depression and anxiety symptoms. Whereas, adolescents with high social support (24.6%) associated with the lowest prevalence of negative symptoms. 

2) Trustworthiness : Being honest, dependable and loyal. 

One of the most important qualities in friendships is the level of integrity. According to Psychology Today, trustworthiness is made up of several sub-qualities. The three most important are honesty, dependability, and loyalty. 

Honesty: You speak from the heart in ways that are free from deceptions. (E.g. providing sincere opinions and advice, even when it’s something your friend doesn’t want to hear.)

Dependability: You stay true to your word, and your friends can count on you to be there for them when truly needed. (E.g.You choose to stay in with your friend who just got dumped, rather than go out to the bar.) 

Loyalty: You remain faithful to your friends, even if you don’t agree with everything they do. (E.g. You're there for your friend even after they cheated on their partner. You know mistakes happen, and nobody is perfect.)

It Goes Both Ways…

You may be trustworthy yourself, but how much do you put your trust in others? Trust requires both people involved to be comfortable with vulnerability and uncertainty.

I am not telling you to overshare all of a sudden, but if you are someone who cannot easily open up, chances are your friendship will lack the value of authenticity. 

Having mutual trust in friendships is one of the main ways of increasing love and connection in your life. In fact, ‘love and belonging’  falls right in the middle of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human needs, while laying the foundation of self-esteem. 

At the end of the day what is most important is having friends who accept you for who you truly are and who actively boost your self-confidence.

3) Congeniality: Bringing Joy and Happiness into Your Life

The best types of friends are those who only lift you up higher. Maybe they’re simply fun to be around, or they often see the humour in life. 

Especially during your twenties, it’s important to have friends who make you feel hopeful for the future. Having optimistic friends may boost your energy and encourage you to develop a better mindset. Naturally, the opposite can occur with pessimists, who tend to drain people's energy with their constant negative outlook on life.

Stop & Reflect:

Ask yourself these questions about the friends in your life who…

• Make you feel tired, drained, and sad after being with them? Or, immediately improve your well-being in their presence? 

• Encourage healthier habits, and a better lifestyle? Or, those who encourage unhealthy habits, while knowing you’re trying to break them? 

• Makes you feel comfortable and authentic with no effort? Or, always put you on guard?

Of course, I’m not saying to drop a friend if they’re going through a tough time. That’s different. Just start becoming mindful of the people who continuously drain your energy.

4) Respectful: Of your Boundaries and Way of Living

The most respectful friends are those who are open-minded towards their friends' morals and views on life. They understand that whether or not they agree with you, it is your boundary at the end of the day. 

These friends also resist the urge to give unsolicited advice for what they think is a healthier boundary.  It's true, some boundaries are not always healthy. However, if the boundary isn't damaging the quality of life for either person involved, most people will be able to find acceptance if they value their friendship.   

Maybe you’re thinking… Isn’t it my duty as a friend to tell them it’s unhealthy?

I’ll try to explain quickly why it’s not. Boundaries can be about your personal space, thoughts, beliefs, vulnerabilities, possessions, culture, financial decisions, etc. The purpose of a boundary is to maintain a healthy lifestyle of alignment. However, the habits which create alignment vary from person to person. Thus, the boundaries that promote the continuing of healthy habits are also unique.

It’s like an extrovert trying to argue with an introvert about what boosts energy. One prefers interactions and activities, whereas the other is energised by their inner world of thoughts, feelings and memories. It wouldn’t really work right? We’re all unique. Own that, and respect it. 

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More Advice from the Twenties Detox Community

What makes a great friend?

1. “ An adaptable friendship that requires no tension around life schedules” - Brianna Mouk 

2. “ Loyalty. Somebody that has your back and is there through your worst days.” - Quinn Bucciol

3. “ Being able to feel safe around someone, and to talk freely without fear of judgement.” - FindingKaitlyn on TikTok

4. “ Someone who has genuine happiness for your successes in life, rather than jealousy.” - Maria Sophia 

5. “The ones that are honest and tell you as it is. Those who understand that life happens and plans change.

   - TT

6. Someone who will genuinely want the best for you and support you - rheaclairelifestyle on Instagram

7. “The ones who don’t leave and help you become a better version of yourself.”