How to Heal by Understanding These 7 Types of Negative Emotions
Key Points
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A component of emotional processing includes the unlearning of old, outdated, or limiting beliefs that underlie an emotional response.
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Psychoanalyzing is great for understanding more about your triggers and patterns, but too much of it can also prevent you from actually experiencing your emotions.
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The Emotional Frequency Scale shows the link between emotions and specific energy frequencies. Depending on the frequency, the body can experience the emotion as either destructive or expansive.
Do you find yourself psychoanalyzing a lot? Would you believe me if I told you it could actually be a form of self-sabotage? Hear me out before you click off...There are two ends of the spectrum for people who deal with emotions:
(1)Distractors: Those who distract themselves with anything possible: alcohol, sex, movies, work, etc.
(2)Extreme Psycho-Analyzers: Those who over-analyze every facet of a trigger in hopes of moving past it.
The #1 issue with over-analyzing
In the past, I severely avoided my emotions—specifically with work. And we ALL know how that turns out.. (hint: burnout), after reaching a breaking point, I realized I had to change something and figure out ways of preventing this toxic cycle of burnout. Unfortunately, my first attempt caused me to the other extreme of psycho-analyzing everything.
Don’t get me wrong, psychoanalyzing is great to understand more about your patterns; but it can also prevent you from actually experiencing your emotions. So, maybe you were like me—frustrated, because you’re reacting in the same ways you always have; Even after dissecting every what/how/who/when/why ...you do it.
Obviously, I was missing a critical step in my healing journey.
When trying to heal, the process often starts with emotional discomfort—feeling anxious, sad, ashamed, guilty, angry...You can go to either end of the spectrum (and avoid these emotions) or, you can start sitting with them. Acknowledging them. And then, releasing them.
Signs you have unprocessed emotions…
If you choose to skip this step, the emotion will continue to build until it begins to manifest in your behaviour. Maybe you become irritable with your partner; You're chronically tired; Or, you start feeling heavy—like a weight pushing on your chest. In the long run, these unprocessed emotions can fuel another cycle of self-sabotage.
The truth—psychoanalyzing works best when your nervous system is regulated by releasing the emotions that control you to stay in survival mode.
To begin, it’s important to understand the emotional frequency levels of negative emotions. The Emotional Frequency Scale shows the link between emotions and specific energy frequencies. Depending on the frequency, the body can experience the emotion as either destructive or expansive. Today, we'll go over the most destructive emotions such as shame, guilt, apathy, fear, grief, and anger.
The link with our consciousness:
Notice how this scale clearly demonstrates the difference in consciousness for each emotion. At the lowest is shame—Usually caused by something deep within your subconscious mind, it may be important to prioritize healing your inner child: What did your childhood-self never really heal from? Anger, on the other hand, is still destructive — but resonates at a higher frequency. Why? Because you know what upset you in that moment of anger. You are more aware of the problem.
Depending on the type of emotion you receive, you may need more or less steps in order to release and move on from them…
What your emotions are telling you and how to heal from them
1) Shame
Based on social norms and the experience of trauma, shame usually develops from unresolved feelings of embarrassment. The reason why shame is so toxic is because it's not just about one thing...it's about your whole sense of self. As stated previously, the reasons for shame is found at the deepest parts of your subconscious mind. This feeling of unworthiness can be very painful—even physically, and during those moments it's hard to remember that everyone is inherently worthy.
That's why it's time to prioritize self-love, self-care and healing…With time, you'll start seeing your beauty again; the pain will lessen; you’ll feel lighter, and you'll realize that it was this world all along—trying to keep you in-line.
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*The five love languages include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. By learning your own love language, you can build a proper self-love routine for better healing, confidence. You can get this book here on Amazon.
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2) Guilt
Guilt is the feeling that arises from what we did (or didn’t do), resulting in the violation of a personal standard. Usually confused with shame, guilt is a very different emotion. One of the major differences is the emotion is much lower in severity. Rather than being about a lack of self-worth, feeling guilty can be about identifiable things.
That's why it's time to prioritize forgiveness. Even the people you idolize will mess up. The difference between you and them, is their ability to detach from the past, while moving forward in a better way than yesterday. Apologize, let it go, and make a plan for yourself to be better. At its core, detachment is the most critical way to grow.
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3) Apathy
A feeling of numbness or lack of emotions, usually happens after a prolonged exposure to stress. If you're not too careful, burnout can arrive in full swing, so take this time as a gift to know when you need to reset. Apathy could also be you responding to a threat in freeze-mode.
Nonetheless, now is the time to prioritize rest. Even if that means taking a step back from seeing people for a bit, you need to start filling up YOUR energy right now. Putting yourself first is not always selfish.
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4) Grief & Sadness
Grief is a feeling that arises from losing something/someone you loved—and that you wanted in your life. The level at which you experience this sadness depends on the intensity of the stressful event. But, to anyone who has ever lost someone...you know better than anyone that grief never really goes away. You have to pick it up. You have to get stronger. Eventually, you will begin to grow around that grief.
Now is a time to prioritize feeling and being vulnerable.The only way to grow from grief is to surrender to it.
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5) Fear & Anxiety
Fear itself is the result of an immediate threat, but anxiety is the feeling that arises from the anticipation of a future threat. When you start feeling excessively nervous in these moments, your body is most likely going into flight-mode.
Surprisingly, this emotion can also arise when trying to grow because it's possible to over-do it when stepping outside of our comfort zone. By creating a lifestyle that is TOO unfamiliar right now can shock your nervous system.
If this sounds like you, please take a moment to prioritize safety. Whether that's doing something that is very familiar to you again, or staying-in for the night...growing takes time for your body to adjust. Be kind to yourself!
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*It is important to be open to conversations about your anxiety, but don’t over-do it! Talking about the anxiety may further trigger yourself.
6) Anger
Anger causes us to take action due to the violation of a personal boundary. It can also be how "highly defensive people" react to a threat—causing them to go into fight-mode. Maybe you know this already but, you DON'T have to set boundaries only when you reach a point of rage. However, there is a reason it resonates at a higher frequency that the others. You are more aware in these moments.
Now is the time to prioritize finding your voice in a healthier way. When you start feeling irritable, change your state—go for a run, dance it off, take up kickboxing... After neutralizing your nervous system, start getting curious about what the problem is here. What boundaries can you set? What pain can you heal from? By viewing anger as a message—you can begin to express your opinion in a more civilized and respectable way. As silly as it sounds, it takes practice to be a calm person.
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How do you know if you’re releasing your emotions?
I encourage you to become curious in what makes you feel at peace after participating in them. If you're still unsure, start by assessing your state after the activity or the “do’s” from above:
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Do you feel lighter than before?
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Have the rumination of thoughts lessened?
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Do you feel more calm and present?
If so, it's working.
Just like there’s always room for pain, there’s always room for healing. You're not a machine, you're human. So, if you've been in denial about previous pain, start acknowledging it today. You deserve to be free of the heaviness in your heart.
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