4 Steps to Cope With Negative Feelings
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Whenever negative emotions like anxiety, shame, or depression surfaced, I found myself frustrated and upset, often asking, Why am I so emotional?
It wasn’t until adulthood that I uncovered the truth: I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP), meaning I process emotions more deeply than most.
If you resonate with this experience, keep reading; these 4 steps to cope with negative feelings can help anchor you during challenging moments and halt the spiralling process.
Coping as a Highly Sensitive Person
Initially, being a highly sensitive person (HSP) might seem appealing, right? Wrong. Without the proper tools to navigate these emotions, it can feel like your emotions control you instead of the other way around.
For instance, even if I can't relate to the characters, sad movies can leave me emotionally wrecked for days. My heightened empathy allows me to absorb their pain as if it were my own.
But here's the silver lining: there are positive emotions too. You can experience them just as readily as the heavy ones if you learn to let them flow through you like water. However, if releasing the negative emotions feels challenging, it's time to dive a little deeper.
The Desire to Numb Emotions
It's tempting to want to numb these emotions as much as possible, but trust me, they only accumulate over time. The real secret lies in learning how to protect your energy as a highly sensitive person.
Admittedly, it took me a while to integrate this practice into my life. It wasn't until after graduating from university and finding myself back home, living with my parents , that I was compelled to address them more effectively.
Numbing simply ceased to be effective.
If only I had understood earlier the true significance of negative emotions – why they surface, what lessons they offer, and how to release them.
4 Steps to Cope With Negative Feelings
Stage 1: Listen to the Discomfort
Feelings represent our conscious reactions to emotions.
At times, we may experience delayed emotional responses when our nervous system enters a state of "freeze." Instead of fully experiencing those emotions, we become numb or unaffected.
That weighty sensation in your chest or the pit in your stomach serves as a signal that it's time to confront and process your emotions.
Ignoring them only allows them to accumulate until they exceed your emotional threshold. No, you shouldn’t numb with alcohol.
The Water Pipe Analogy
Picture your body as a network of pipes carrying water. When everything flows smoothly, you feel great—energized and happy.
What would occur if you decided to close off a particular section? I bet you'd sense discomfort as pressure builds gradually. Eventually, that pressure would escalate.
You're left with two options:
1) Willingly open the pipes.
2) Await the inevitable burst.
Now, think of the water as emotions. How many of us have allowed negative emotions to accumulate until they explode?
Perhaps it results in a fight with your partner, a mental breakdown, or getting disproportionately angry over something minor.
Pay attention to that discomfort; it's your initial step in preventing a catastrophic burst.
Stage 2: Find Acceptance
One of the most profound teachings I learned from the book a New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, is that “nothing will change until you’ve learned to accept it.”
Like I said before, don't get upset that it's happening “to you”. Complaining won't help you any more than ignoring.
Accept that the feeling you have is actually there, and that it’s valid. But, we can choose whether or not it can consume us.
The best way to stop fighting it, is view the feeling in a different perspective: Perceive negative feelings as challenge to become your best self.
Side note: This book seriously changed my life. I had my first spiritual awakening after reading it, and I truly understood what it means to become the observer (the next step), and manage my emotions.
10/10 recommend!!
Stage 3: Become the Observer
Now that we're receptive to true change, let's adopt the role of the observer.
This practice, often referred to as mindfulness, entails disengaging from emotions to the extent that we perceive them less as integral to our identity and more as phenomena occurring within us. (basically resisting the urge to label/judge them)
Aim to refrain from self-criticism and instead, regard these experiences as factual. Your body communicates messages through feelings about events unfolding around you.
What really happened for me to feel this way? When did it start?
Why am I triggered about this so deeply? What must I learn?
What action must I take to feel better?
When you ask better questions, you receive better answers.
Stage 4: Embrace Emotional Growth
When you ask yourself these types of questions, it promotes self-discovery. For example it could be:
A limiting belief that needs to become an empowering one.
Something about you that you’ve tied to self-worth. (self-worth is not about you, it’s within you.)
Previous trauma that still needs some healing.
A new boundary that needs to be set.
etc.
You develop a better understanding of what aligns with or against you. As a result, create a life where you feel more fulfilled and safe.
In summary, navigating negative feelings as highly sensitive individuals involves a deliberate approach guided by four essential steps:
Listen to the Discomfort: Confronting our emotions head-on is the first step toward understanding and processing them effectively.
Find Acceptance: Embracing our emotional experiences without judgment allows us to create space for healing and growth.
Become the Observer: Practicing mindfulness enables us to detach from our emotions, gaining insight into their origins and patterns.
Embrace Emotional Growth: By reframing challenges as opportunities for self-discovery and development, we empower ourselves to cultivate resilience and pursue a life of authenticity and fulfillment.
Through these steps, we equip ourselves with the tools necessary to navigate the complexities of our emotional landscape with compassion, clarity, and resilience.
