2 Reasons Why Female Friendships Can Be Dramatic

S2E15 – The Twenties Detox Podcast: Navigating Female Friendships: Overcoming Internalized Misogyny, Grudges, and Resentment to Rediscover True Girlhood

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The duality of women friendship & why they’re so important

Female friendships can be some of the most amazing relationships in our lives – offering deep emotional connections, mutual support, and a sense of belonging.

Women, more naturally attuned to Yin energy, often have the ability to connect on profound levels, understanding each other's emotions and experiences with remarkable empathy. However, this depth also comes with high expectations, which can sometimes lead to complications. So when these friendships go wrong, they can be draining and emotionally taxing, often leading to feelings of competition, jealousy, and resentment.

The saying, “Healed people, heal people, but hurt people, hurt people,” rings especially true here. Insecure women can unknowingly project their insecurities onto others, creating a toxic cycle of drama and distrust. On the flip side, women who have worked on healing themselves can uplift those around them, fostering an environment of confidence and mutual empowerment.

Internalized misogyny

THE ROOT OF FEMALE COMPETITION, JEALOUSY & RIVALRY

One of the most significant reasons for competition among women is internalized misogyny.

So, what is internalized misogyny? At its core, it’s when women subconsciously absorb and adopt sexist beliefs and attitudes about themselves and other women. These beliefs are shaped by a society that has historically devalued women and femininity. Over time, we start to internalize those negative messages—we might start believing that we’re not as capable as men, that we’re valued only for our looks, or that we should be in constant competition with other women.

Internalized misogyny manifests in subtle ways, like the tendency to judge other women harshly, the need to compete for male attention, or the dismissal of female-led achievements. This ingrained bias can poison female friendships, turning them into battlegrounds of comparison and one-upmanship. Understanding how internalized misogyny develops is the first step toward breaking its hold on our relationships.

People pleasing

HOW IT FUELS RESENTMENT & DRAMA

Women are often socialized to be nurturing, accommodating, and agreeable. While these traits can be strengths, they also pave the way for people-pleasing behaviour—a tendency to avoid conflict, suppress personal needs, and go along with others to maintain harmony. But this approach often backfires in female friendships. The pressure to be "nice" and "easygoing" can lead to unresolved issues festering beneath the surface, eventually breeding resentment.

People-pleasing also prevents women from setting proper boundaries, which are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. When we fail to communicate our needs or speak up when something bothers us, small issues can snowball into significant grievances. This unspoken tension can create rifts in even the closest of friendships.

How to create better female friendships

The first step to improving your female friendships is to detox from beliefs that support internalized misogyny and people-pleasing. Start by examining how these mindsets affect your self-expression and self-esteem. For instance, do you find yourself competing with friends over trivial matters? Do you hold back from sharing your true feelings to avoid conflict? Recognizing these patterns is the key to breaking free from them.

Here are a few steps you can take:

Challenge Negative Beliefs: Actively question thoughts that pit you against other women. Remind yourself that other women are not your competition; we all are unique, and they can be allies!
Practice Assertiveness: Learn to express your needs and boundaries clearly and respectfully. It's okay to say no, and it's okay to ask for what you want in a friendship.
Reinforce Self-Worth: Work on building a strong sense of self-worth so you’re less likely to be influenced by negative beliefs or toxic behaviours. When you know your value, you won't feel the need to compete or please others at your own expense.
Seek Out Inspiring People : Try to make friends with women who uplift and inspire you. Healthy friendships are based on mutual respect, support, and the celebration of each other’s successes.

More on the episode

Female friendships have the potential to be incredibly powerful when nurtured in the right way. By addressing internalized misogyny and people-pleasing behaviors, you can create relationships that are more authentic, supportive, and fulfilling.

For a deeper dive into these topics and more tips on transforming your female friendships, listen to the full episode of The Twenties Detox. Podcast. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for more content like this, and share this post with friends who will totally get it!