What Is True Self-Love and Self-Care? A Step-By-Step Guide.

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Valentines day is tomorrow! 💗

And whether you are with a partner, or single this season…I believe everybody needs to learn the importance of self-care and self-love. 

The truth—we’ve been lied to. The notion of self-care presented on the internet does not embody the essence of genuine self-care.

The self-care I will be talking about today is deeper, and relates to you as an individual because let’s face it! We’re all unique. And for the males out there––yes, you can do the tips I will be sharing today too. 

I hope this episode and article today will help you learn the true meaning of self-love and self care. Enjoy!

Where are you putting your worth? ~ 3:00

We have learned many things in childhood that we need to ~detox~. The kicker, is that our worth is found in something outside of us. 

We put it into school, looks, status, financial success, etc. Many, confuse self-worth with self-esteem. Esteem derives from the ego: we get a raise, promotion, loose weight, or our skin clears up. Those events make us feel proud, and confident no? 

But self-worth––is untouchable. It will remain unchanged and unaltered, regardless of external circumstances or worldly possessions. The worth that comes with our soul remains constant throughout our lifetime, accompanying us from birth to death.

And every soul on this planet is inherently worthy. 

putting my worth into looks & acts of service

I this episode, I talk about how you know when you have tied your worth to something external. For me, it was my looks and acts of service. 

“This is a kicker when I realized I did this too…I felt unworthy if I wasn’t serving enough people… You know you think ‘ah, but thats so amazing’ but if you feel the need to constantly serve other people in order for you to appear as a good person, or for you to appear as worthy enough for more attention and love…then it isn’t fully altruistic because it is about yourself at the end of the day.” 

This example I gave in the episode was perfect at explaining the confusion between worth and esteem. I thought I was doing something good –– which I was, but not out of love it was out of fear. And fear = ego. 

question time! 

1. Awareness: What do you feel you’re tying to your worth? To test if you have build a model for being worthy let’s test it. Stop doing those things. See how you feel. 

2. Reflect: Did you feel unsettled? Or did you feel at peace? If nothing changed in the energies inside of you, you have not tied it to your self-worth… but if they did, well there you go! 

3. Replace: now is the time to detox. You need to reframe your way of thinking. Remember worth is nothing to do with what’s outside of you. How can you create a healthier connect

The difference between self-care and self-maintenance ~ 16:15

Fun fact, my very first blog described the basic differences between self-care and self-maintenance. However, to tie it all into self-worth…I realized I wasn’t taking care of my soul (reminding it of it’s worth) I was maintaining the model I had set out for myself to feel more worthy (confusing it with low self-esteem) 

“You’re probably wondering, ‘but didn’t you feel good after self-maintenance?’ I did feel good. But I didn’t feel at peace. I supported this model of worthiness–which made me feel safe [in control], proud… but none of that was peace.” 

How to build your own self-care routine. Step-by-step ~ 22:30

As shown in the image above, what’s really important is to find a routine that works for you. Autonomy is so important when considering a new routine. So today, I’m going to give you all a few prompts to sit down and reflect upon. Number 1 & 2, are for people who already have a self-care routine. If you don’t, move to number 3!

1. What does your self-care routine look like? Write it out. 

2. Do any of those tasks bring you true peace? If yes, keep them! If not…let’s put it in the self-maintenance pile. 

3. What habits in your life bring you peace? (that you have not added to your routine yet) 

4. How will you implement these peaceful habits into your life? Be realistic. Start small.

5. Adjust if needed. What isn’t working for you right now? Routines change, and that’s ok.

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I’m hoping this episode (and article) provides some insight on what true self-care is…and how to love yourself better in the process. When you love yourself better, you show others in your life how to do the same.
Enjoy the rest of your week! xoxo

Much love,
B